Hi there, happy nearly December!
Recently, I’ve been reflecting on how often we feel grateful as leaders — for our teams, our customers, our advisors, our families — and yet, many of us rarely take the time to slow down long enough to express it in a meaningful way.
“I really appreciate that you stepped in to own that workstream and kept me informed along the way. The client was happy with the outcome.”
This is one simple example of what it can look like at work.
For some, gratitude can feel “soft” or unnecessary. In my coaching, I hear things like: “If I focus too much on the positive, won’t people get complacent?”
But gratitude isn’t about being nice or polite. It’s about reinforcing the behaviors that drive performance and results.
When I speak about gratitude practices and reinforcing positive behavior with clients, I often ask for a quick show of hands from the parents in the room.
Why? Because acknowledging what your children do well ensures they keep doing more of it. And if you’re paying attention, you pick up on that nuance.
The same principle applies at work. Humans are humans. We all benefit from understanding what others appreciate about us and the impact we’re having.
Ever expressed some thanks and then heard:
"Oh, I didn’t realize that was so helpful, I’ll keep doing it”? This is a signal that more external expression of what you value would be useful and clarifying for others.
And the research is clear: expressed appreciation increases motivation, strengthens trust, and improves follow-through, especially when it’s specific, timely, and tied to impact.
On a personal note, my family has a Thanksgiving tradition where we go around the table and name what we’re grateful for from the past year. It forces all of us to zoom out, acknowledge the good, and see our lives and relationships in a broader, more generous frame.
Leaders need that same intentional zoom-out, especially as pace accelerates and demands intensify.
If you’re looking to drive positive behavior through gratitude, here are a few evidence-based ways to put it into practice with your team, your peers, your manager, and your family.
The audience and the direction matter.
Gratitude is simple, but it can be deeply meaningful.
A quick challenge for the weeks ahead:
→ Who are two people you’ll express genuine, specific gratitude to? Notice the small things that you could acknowledge and watch what shifts in behavior.
For those who celebrate, wishing you a warm, restorative holiday,
Stefanie
Founder of The Violet Group
